i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
