we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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