We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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