nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
