Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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