Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
