well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
