you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
