even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
sex in a hospital.. check
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
