I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
