What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
