After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
