You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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