Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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