Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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