this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
