So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
