I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
