Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
