Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
