I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
