I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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