I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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