I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
