Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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