3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
farters have to be the big spoon...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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