You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
