I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
