Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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