Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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