There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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