We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
