Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
