I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
