so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
