she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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