Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
