you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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