it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
