I think I am morally bankrupt
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
