Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
