I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
