Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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