Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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