WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
