Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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