we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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