its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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