she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
