Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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