That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
