she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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