DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
