I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
