Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize