Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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